Frogs (Βάτραχοι - Batrachoi) was first staged in 405 BC at the Theatre of Dionysos during the festival of the Lenaea. Aristophanes was the playwright: Philonides was the producer). The play won first prize in the archonship of Kallias. Phrynichus came second with the Mousai (Muses); the comic poet Platon came third with Kleophon.
Herakles: Did you do it with Kleisthenes? Dionysos: Don’t mock me. No. I am not feeling well.
Herakles: Well, little brother, what was it?
Dionysos: I had a great desire for a bean [pea] soup.
Herakles: Well, we know that feeling all too well.
Dionysos: No, another desire cut right through me, for Euripides!
Herakles: The recently deceased and buried Euripides?
Dionysos: Yes! And no one could prevent me from going and try bringing him back.
Herakles: Down into Hades?
Dionysos: Yes! And further down too.
Herakles: Why?
Dionysos: I am in great need of a skilful poet.
Herakles: Why not bring back Sophocles instead of Euripides, if you really must fetch someone? He's far superior.
Dionysos: I can’t do that till I have tested Iophon [Sophocles’ son and playwright] more. Besides Euripides is such a rogue he won’t mind coming back with me and participating in my ruse, whilst Sophocles was always a gentleman up here and he's probably one down there.
Herakles then suggests a number of other playwrights which Dionysos could bring back from the dead. Dionysos rejects them all.
Xanthias: No one cares about me.
Herakles: There are huge numbers of young playwrights, all more skilful than Euripides.
Dionysos: None have the fertile mind of Euripides or have a way with words. For example:
“Aether, the bedroom of Zeus”, “The foot of time”, “A mind which refuses to swear sacred oath”.
Herakles: You actually like all this garbage?
Dionysos: It sends me crazy.
Xanthias: What about me?
Dionysos: I came here in this get up in impersonation of you to learn about all the people you met on your adventure and labour to the Underworld to bring back Kerberos, the guard dog of Hades. I want to know the names of all people who helped you on your journey, the people you stayed with, all the harbours, the bakers, the brothels, the resting places, the springs, the roads, the towns, the innkeepers and inns and those which have the least bedbugs.
Xanthias: No one cares about me.
Herakles: Are you not afraid to make this journey?
Dionysos: Don’t try to stop me in my endeavour. Just tell me what the quickest and easiest route is to go right down into Hades.
Herakles then suggests to Dionysos that the quickest and easiest way to get there is to commit suicide. He then suggests several different methods: hang himself, poison himself with hemlock, go to the Keramikos cemetery and throw himself off a high tower there. Dionysos rejects every single one; he wants a poet of consequence. He then asks Herakles which route he took on his venture, and to give him some tips.
Herakles then describes for Dionysos the boat which Charon used to ferry him across a very deep lake [Lake Acheron] to Hades for a fare of two obols. Herakles warns Dionysos of the arena he will come to with its many snakes and terrible beasts he will encounter there. He also tells him that there is a river flowing with mud and diarrhoea in which he will see many bodies floating in it. These are the people who abused the hospitality code, those who cheated young persons out of their money, others who assaulted their own fathers, perjurers and playwrights who used the work of others. Dionysos remarks that Herakles should add the ridiculous war dance [in full armour] devised by Cinesias
Heracles continues by saying that the music of pipes [auloi] will waft him on his way, he will pass by sunbeams and myrtle groves with happy bands of dancers,
Dionysos: And who are they?
Herakles: Novices of the Mysteries.
Xanthias remarks that he fed up with all this and dumps his baggage.
Herakles: These Novices will guide you on your way and will lead you right to the front of Plouton's house. Bon voyage!
[He goes back into his own house.]
Dionysos [to Xanthias] Pick up that baggage, you good-for-nothing.
Xanthias: Wait a moment. I have only just put it down.
§3 [171-180] Corpse scene
Just at that moment a Corpse borne by two pallbearers is brought into the orchestra via one of the eisodia
Dionysos asks the Corpse whether he will carry his baggage to Hades. The Corpse asks how much Dionysos will pay him. Two drachmas? Dionysos refuses as that is far too much. The Corpse tells his pallbearers to move on quickly. Dionysos offers the Corpse nine obols. The Corpse says he would rather come back to life again rather than accept such a paltry sum.
The Corpse is borne out of the orchestra by the pallbearers being carried off down the opposite eisodos than he entered by.
Xanthias comments on how arrogant the Corpse had been, good riddance to him, and offers to carry the bags himself. Dionysos comments on what a gentleman Xanthias is, and they head off to find Charon’s boat.
§4 [181-208] Charon, Dionysos and Xanthias
Meanwhile, Charon’s ferry-boat with him on board is drawn by rope on rollers into the orchestra along the same eisodos along which the Corpse had been carried out of the orchestra.
Xanthias tells Dionysos that this is the same lake that Herakles had spoken of, Lake Acheron.
Charon asks whether there is anyone waiting and wanting to be ferried to the land of the forgotten [He uses a series of synonyms for the Underworld]. Dionysos says he waiting to go there. Charon tells him to get on board his boat, but he refuses to allow Xanthias on board: no slaves on his boat unless they fought at Arginusae!
Xanthias is told that he will have to find his way around Lake Acheron to Hades.
Exit Xanthias to find his way round the lake. Dionysos walks up closer to Charon's ferry. Charon tells Dionysos to hurry up and get on board. He then makes Dionysos sit down and telling him to prepare to row the boat.
Dionysos tells Charon that he is neither a sailor, nor an oarsman like those who had fought at the battle of Salamis. Charon says encouragingly he will learn the knack, besides he will hear some beautiful songs as they make their way across the lake. Dionysos asks who will be singing them. Charon says he will hear the odes of the amazing frog-swans.
§5 [209-267] The Chorus of Frogs:
Charon, Dionysos and the Chorus of Frogs
As Dionysos rows across the orchestra [which is representative of Lake Acheron] towards Hades when a Chorus of Frogs is heard joyfully singing in the boggy marshes their
Brekekekex koax koax ode (in onomatopoeic imitation of their croaking).
Chorus of Frogs:
Brekekekex koax koax
Of lake and stream, we are the brats
In tune with the fifes this is our song.
It is a beautiful koax koax
We sang it once for Zeus’ son
Dionysos in the bogs.
That we when
Revellers rollicked home befogged
Through the precincts of our shrine.
Brekekekex koax koax.
When Dionysos bad-tempered asks them to stop their annoying melody. They respond
No way. We’re all set
To rasp out our lungs when the sun shines
And we frolic and leap in the sedgy reeds
Drowning the water with our songs.
Or on those days when Zeus’s rain
Is pattering down and we are sheltering
Under the water, we are spattering
Our musical jewels deep in the wet.
§6 [268-315] Arrival in Hades
Dionysos lands in Hades. He disembarks from Charon's boat. Charon demands his fare Dionysos pays him his two obols.
Exit Charon on his boat
He finds Xanthias already there. Dionysos asks him whether he saw the father-killers and perjurers that Herakles had spoken of. Xanthias answers no and asks Dionysos the same question. Dionysos answers yes [looking straight at the audience]. He instructs Xanthias that they have to leave the area quickly for it's where the monsters which Herakles spoke of abide. There is an apparition of a shape-shifting monstrous woman whom Dionysos calls Empusa there. She disappears but Dionysos was very frightened. They hear the sound of pipes offstage. Dionysos says he can smell their torches. Dionysos tells Xanthias they must hide.
Parodos [Lines 316-459]The Chorus of Initiates [Novices] in the Eleusinian Mysteries begin to file into the orchestra. They are chanting.
Strophe [Men] they chant
Iacchos, Iacche! [like on the Pompe to Eleusis]
Iacchos, Iacche!
Your stately temple is here.
Come to this meadow where your pious followers are.
A myrtle crown has been placed on your head.
We Novices dance the dance of the Holy Mysteries like the pure Graces themselves did.
We Initiates honour the daughter of Demeter [Persephone].
O how sweet the smell of roast pork is.
Dionysos [to Xanthias] Keep still and we'll enjoy a meal.
Antistophe [Women]:
Light our torches and wave them in our hands.
Iacchos, Iacche!
Bright Morning Star in our ritual night the meadow is on fire.
Let the old men forgetful of their need for care
Adore the lit flames of we young who dance through the meadow, O blessed one.
The Leaders of the two half choruses address their Novices.
Leader of the Men's half chorus:
Evil thoughts be still and far from our Chorus depart,
Who knows not what Mystics say and is not pure of heart.
Who never learned noble revelry or danced as Muses do,
Or shared in Bacchic rites with words of old supply,
And whose vulgar and coarse buffoonery loves the jests they make,
Who lives not easy and is not kind to all and fails to quench differences between factions.
Fanning only fire from a base desire for pitiful gain for themselves to reap.
Leader of the Women's half chorus:
And he who takes when in office, gifts and bribes, tossing the city itself on the fire.
And sells our fortress and its navy.
Leader of the Men's half chorus:
Or is like the corrupt tax collector Thorycion
Who cheats customs smuggling from Aegina provisions to Epidaurus across the Bay,
Oars, sails and tar, collecting five per cent.
This knave and traitor tries to procure supplies for the enemy's fleet [Peloponnesian].
Such a man shits on the offerings at Hecate's shrine during the rites and dances.
Leader of the Women's half chorus: Or the public speaker who was mocked at our Bacchic feasts with malign heart steals the poet's profit Just because that poet lampooned him in a comedy during Dionysian festival.
Leader of the Men's half chorus:
We shout and proclaim stay away from our Novices, and their dances and songs.
Chorus:
Demeter, sovereign of chaste orgies, be favourable to us and protect the choir which is consecrated to you; make it possible for me always and without difficulty to indulge in games and dancing; to spread myself in pleasant words and serious remarks, worthy of your feast, and, victorious in banter and raillery, be crowned with bandages! See, now, call here with your songs the lovely God, who always takes part in your dances.
Revered Iacchos, inventor of the sweet melodies of this festival, guide our steps to the Goddess, and show that, without fatigue, you accomplish a long journey.
Iacchos, friend of the dance, lead me: for it was you who tore up, to provoke laughter and to be simple, this boot and these neglected clothes, and who thus found a way to laugh with impunity and to dance .
Iacchos, friend of the dance, lead me: for, just a moment ago, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a very charming little girl, playing with her companions, and, by a hole in his tunic, his throat protruding.
Iacchos, friend of the dance, lead me.
Dionysos: Me, I always like to be one of you, and I want to dance with this little girl.
Xanthias: And me too.
Chorus: Do you want us to laugh together at Archedemos who, at the age of seven, was not yet registered in his phratry, and who, now, a demagogue among the dead on high, holds there the first rank of perversity? I learn that Cleisthenes on the tombs waxes his behind and scratches his cheeks, then, his forehead against the ground, he groans, he calls Sebinos, from Anaphlystos. It is also said that Callias, the illustrious son of Hippobinos, dressed in the skin of a lion, to go and fight at sea.
Dionysos [to the Chorus]: Be pleased to inform the two of us where Pluton lives and tell us when he is at home down here?
Chorus tell Dionysos and Xanthias that they have no need to go further for they have already arrived at the front door to Pluto's palace [the Skene].
Dionysos [to Xanthias]: Slave, pick up the baggage!
Xanthias: Always the same old thing!
Men's Chorus: Dance in a circle, now, in honour of the goddess, in this her flowery grove, you who are admitted to this religious festival. We join with the girls and women where they celebrate the nightly feast of the goddess, and we will carry the sacred torch.
Women's Chorus: Let's go to the meadows dotted with roses and flowers to form, according to our custom, those beautiful dances led by the blessed Fates. Let us dance and play.
Men's Chorus: For us alone shines the sun, and its light rejoices us, all of us who have been initiated, and who have led a pious conduct towards both strangers and our fellow common citizens.
The Chorus dances off to the side of the orchestra.
Various Episodes in the Underworld [Lines 460-674]Outside Pluto's Palace [460-502]
Dionysos, Xanthias and Aeacus
Dionysos mounts the steps onto the stage and stands outside of the central door of the skene.
Dionysos: How am I supposed to knock on this door?
Xanthias: You are supposed to be Herakles! Knock on it in the same manner that he would.
[Dionysos bangs his fist on the door.]
Dionysos: Ho there Slave!
Aeacus [gatekeeper]: Who's there?
Dionysos: Herakles the bold.
[Aeacus opens the door and comes out onto the stage]
Aeacus: Ah you wretched, rascal. You mean, an unprincipled and dishonest person. You stole our dog, Kerberos, I, whose keeper it was! But now I have caught you today, and the black stones of the Underworld and the roaming dogs of the river of Hades will account to me for you; the Hydra will tear you to pieces, and the Gorgons will tear out your kidneys and reduce all of your other entrails to shreds; I will go and fetch them all as quickly as possible.
Xanthias: Eh! what are you doing there?
Dionysos (stooping down): I have just shat myself!
Xanthias: Get up at once. A stranger would laugh at you if he saw what you were doing.
[Xanthias and Dionysos swap costumes. Xanthias is no dressed as Herakles (Xanthakles if you like)]
Persephone's Handmaiden [504-533]
[Enter a Handmaid from Plouton's palace]
Handmaid: Herakles, thank the heavens that you have come, Come on in. The goddess my mistress has been expecting you. She has had meals prepared for you and your slave: fresh bread, lentil soup, roast ox and toasted honey cakes.
Xanthias: You are too kind.
Handmaid: And she hasn't forgotten you. There are chicken breasts, desserts and some sweetmeats.
Xanthias: Very nice, but ...
Handmaid: Don't be silly: I am not going to let you go now. We have some beautiful girls: a girl who plays the pipe [aulos], dancing girls in the prime of life. They are nice and young, specially chosen. Go on in. The cook is about to serve the fish course. Your table has been laid.
Xanthias: Go back in and tell the girls that I am on my way. This slave will follow and bring my things.
[The Handmaid goes back into the palace].
Dionysos: Hold on. I only swapped costumes with you as a joke. I dressed you up as Herakles only for a laugh. Just pick up the bags and bring them.
Xanthias: You only just gave me these clothes, now you want them back.
Dionysos: Give me the lionskin.
Xanthias: I appeal to the gods.
Dionysos: It's impossible to imagine you being the son of Alcmene.
Xanthias: I don't care. Just bring the baggage.
[Xanthias gives back to Dionysos the lion's skin and the club, and picks up their baggage.]
The Chorus of Initiates [534-548]
The Chorus: A judicious and wise man, who has sailed the seas a lot, always tends to move towards the safe side of the ship, rather than standing, like a portrait, in a single pose. Turning towards the safer side is always the sign of a clever man, of a Theramenes* (a prominent Athenian statesman).
[*Allusion to the conduct of Theramenes after the battle of the Arginusae the previous summer. The Athenian generals, after the victory, had sailed towards Mitylene to surprise the rest of the enemy fleet there and had left Theramenes and another behind with 47 ships to pick up the castaways and the corpses.]
Dionysos: Wouldn't it be amusing if Xanthias, a mere slave, was wrapped in luxurious woven blankets, was screwing a dancer, and then asked me for a chamber pot, whilst I watched him as he caressed my dick? Whilst seeing, frankly, the rascal that he is, that with a blow of his fist he could knock the front teeth out of my jaw.
The Two Innkeepers [549-588]
[Pandoceutria (1st Innkeeper) appears uttering a cry of surprise.]
Pandoceutria: Plathane, Plathane, come here. (Pointing at Dionysus now once again disguised as Herakles.)
[Plathane (2nd Innkeeper) appears]
Pandoceutria: There he is, the wretch who came into our inn one day and devoured sixteen of our loaves.
Plathane: Yes, by Zeus, that's him.
Xanthias [aside]: That's all very well for someone.
Pandoceutria: Yes, and more besides. He took twenty portions of boiled steaks, at half an obol each.
Xanthias [aside]: Someone will bear the burden.
Pandoceutria: And the garlic too, the largest part.
Dionysos: You're a bumbling woman, and know not what you're saying.
Pandoceutria: So you weren't expecting me to recognise you. Don't dare say this, because you were wearing cothurni [buskins] then, and by these I recognize you. And what else? There's a quantity of salted meats about which I have not yet mentioned.
Plathane: No, by Zeus; nor even the fresh cream cheese, my poor thing, which he devoured along with the baskets.
Pandoceutria: And then when I asked for the money, he stared at me and began to roar with laughter!
Xanthias: This is quite his doing. It's his way everywhere he goes.
Pandoceutria: And he even brandished his sword like a madman.
Plathane: Yes, by Zeus, unhappily so
Pandoceutria: And the two of us, out of fear, as you might imagine, we only bounded up into the loft. He disappeared in one leap, taking the sleeping mats with him.
Xanthias: That again is his doing.
Pandoceutria: But we should act. Go and fetch me my master, Cleon.
Plathane: And you mine, if you find him, Hyperbolos.
Pandoceutria: So that we can beat him down!
(To Dionysos.) O you scoundrel, how happy I would be just to be able to smash using a stone your back teeth which you used to devour my wares.
Xanthias: And me too, to be able to cast you down into the Barathron pit.
Plathane: And I would like, using a sickle, to be able to cut that throat which you used to swallow my tripe.
Pandoceutria: But I'm going to fetch Cleon, who will today resolve all this, [to Dionysos] by summoning you to court today.
The two Innkeepers, Pandoceutria and Plathane, exit.
The Chorus of Initiates [589-604]
The Chorus: It's up to you now since you've put on the costume you first wore, to buck up your heart and to put on your terrible face again, in memory of the god whose character you now play. But if you are caught ranting and/or uttering some silly words, you will be forced to pick up the baggage once again.
Xanthias: It's not bad, people, your advice, but it so happens that I myself was just thinking about all that. The truth is, if anything good happens, he'll try to take this away from me; I know that. I will nevertheless show a brave heart and a strong countenance. It seems I might need these. I've just heard the door making a noise.
Revenge of the Doorkeeper [605-674]
Aeacus enters with two slaves.
Aeacus [to the slaves]: Bind this dog thief quickly, so that he may be punished. Hurry.
Dionysus (aside): It's going to go badly for someone.
Xanthias: To Hell with you! (Raising his club) Do not come near me.
Aeacus: Come on, good! Do you still want to fight?
[He calls out for more slaves to come out of the palace]: Ditylas, Sceblyas, Pardocas, come on out and fight this man.
[Some more slaves come out of the palace. All the slaves run up and forcibly take the club from Xanthias and bind him up.]
Dionysus: And isn't it unworthy that he strikes people, that one, and also steals other people's property?
Aeacus: Don't talk about it, it's prodigious.
Dionysos. 'It's terrible indeed, and wicked.
Xanthias:.Well, it's true, by Zeus, that if I ever came here, I would want to be dead, or if I stole a hair's worth from you. Besides, I will act quite generously towards you. Take my slave here, put him to the question, and if ever you find me guilty, lead me to my death.
Aeacus: And how shall I put the question to him?
Xanthias: Anyway, tie him to a ladder, hang him up, flog him a spiked whip, flay him and twist his limbs. You can still pour vinegar into his nostrils, and load him up with bricks. Amongst other things just don't beat him with leeks or new scallions.
Aeacus: That's right, what you say; and in the event that I have crippled your slave somewhat by striking him, Money will be deposited for you.
Χanthias: No, of course not, please. Unconditionally take him away to question him.
Aeacus: Rather do it here rather, so that he speaks under your supervision. (To Dionysos.) You, put down your gear, quickly, and make sure you don't tell any lies here.
Dionysus: I forbid anyone to question me; I am an immortal. Otherwise, don't take only yourself.
Aeacus: What are you saying?
Dionysus: I say that I am an immortal, Dionysus, son of Zeus, and that he is a slave.
Aeacus (To Xanthias): Did you hear that?
Xanthias: I heard it and that is why he must be whipped much harder. If he is god, he will not feel it.
Dionysos (to Xanthias): Why then, since you also claim to be a god, wouldn't you receive as many blows as me?
Xanthias: That's right, that's what he said. Whichever of us you'll see crying first or worrying a little about blows, believe me, that that one isn't a god.
Aeacus (to Xanthias): There's no denying it; you have a brave heart; you go to what is right. So strip your clothes off.
Xanthias:.How will you ask us the questions impartially?
Aeacus: It's easy. You will be given a blow by blow to each one.
Xanthias: God said. (Offering to the blows.) Here. (Aeacus strikes him.) Observe if you see me flinching.
Aeacus: Did I hit you?
Xanthias: No, by Zeus, it doesn't seem so.
Aeacus: Let's turn to this other one and hit him.
(He strikes Dionysos.)
Dionysus: When?
Aeacus: I hit you just now.
Dionysos: Then how come I did not even sneeze?
Aeacus: I don't know. I will try again on this one. (He strikes Xanthias.)
Xanthias: But hurry up! then make your blow. Oh dear!
Aeacus: — Why did you utter “Oh dear!”? Were you hurt?
Xanthias: No, by Zeus; but I was wondering when the feasts of Herakles at Diomeia will take place. Aeacus: The holy man! Back to the other one.
(He strikes Dionysos.)
Aeacus: This man appears to be the holy one! Back to the other.
(He strikes Dionysos.)
Dionysos: Oh! Oh!
Aeacus: What is it?
Dionysus: I see horsemen.
Aeacus: So why are you crying?
Dionysus: I smell onions.
Aeacus: Well, don't you care about anything?
Dionysus: - You're welcome. Does not matter to me.
Aeacus: So I have to go back to the other one.
(He strikes Xanthias.)
Xanthias: Ouch!
Aeacus: - What is it ?
Xanthias (lifting his foot up): The thorn, pull it out.
Aeacus: What is this business? Back to the other.
(He hits Dionysus.)
Dionysus:(Shouting out) Apollo! (Calmly.) You who hold somewhere or Delos or Pytho.
Xanthias: Look he was in pain. Didn't you hear it?
Dionysus: No way. It was an iambus of Hipponax' that I remembered.
Xanthias: You're not getting anywhere, indeed. Stuff him rather the flanes.
Aeacus: No, by Zeus. (To Dionysos.) Come on, this time put forward your belly. (He hits him.)
Dionysus (Crying): Poseidon!...
Xanthias: Someone was hurt.
Dionysus (Calmly): Who reigns almighty over the Aegean Cape. Or on the murky sea, in the sunken deep.
Aeacus: Well, no, by Demeter, I still can't tell which of you is the god. But come in. The master himself will distinguish between you, as well as Persephone, both being gods themselves.
Dionysus: You are right. But I would have preferred you to have taken this course before receiving the blows from you.
Aeacus, Dionysos, Xanthias and the Slaves all leave the stage and go into Plouthon's Palace
The Chorus of Initiates move into the centre of the orchestra and turn to face the audience.
Strophe:
The chorus: Muse, come and take possession of our sacred dance and bring happiness to our hymn. Come and look at this numerous crowd [the audience] where thousands with greater talent and more honourable than Kleophon [the lyre-maker, the demagogue] sit, upon whose talkative lips strangely warbles a Thracian swallow [Kleophon's mother was from Thrace] perching on a barbarian petal whose song is a melancholy nightingale's lament: "I will die, if the votes are a tie." [foretelling his downfall from grace].
Coryphaeus: It is right that a divine chorus makes itself useful to the city by giving it advice. And above all, therefore, we are of the opinion that it is necessary to ensure that all citizens are considered equal and are free from fear. And if anyone has failed, deceived by the manoeuverings of Phrynichos, I claim that those who have slipped up, then, after admitting their faults, should be allowed to forget their past mistakes. I claim that no one in the city should be deprived of their rights. For it is a disgrace that some, having taken part in single naval combat, should be given citizenship like that awarded to the Plataeans, when, all of a sudden, slaves became masters —not that I can deny that it was good; on the contrary I applaud it: it is the only sensible thing you have done. Furthermore, it befits those who so often, they and their fathers have fought at sea with you and are kin to you by blood, you should make remission for this unique accident and yield to their prayers. Come, release your anger, O ye who are so wise by nature; of all - men do we gladly make parents, equals in rights, fellow citizens if they fight at sea with us. If in this respect we show haughtiness and arrogance, and that when our city is “at the mercy of the waves”, later on, we will be thought of as having no common sense.
The Antistrophe:
The Chorus: If I see correctly in the life and character of a man who will soon be moaning, this ape too, embarrassing today, Kligenes the Small,
the most rascally of all bath owners, of all those who lord it over a laundry which uses fake soda mixed with ashes claimed to be from the island of Kimolos, does not have much longer to live among us. He sees it well, so he cannot remain at peace for fear of being robbed one day, whilst drunk if he went for a walk without a stick.
Coryphaeus: Often it has seemed to us that the people of this city, we have both bad and honest citizens, which we can compare to coins: old money versus the new "gold" [copper/bronze]. The old coins are those which have not been debased and which are recognized as the best of all coins, ones which have been well-struck and are sound, and current everywhere among the Hellenes and the Barbarians, but of these, we make no present use. Instead, we have in circulation these poor copper/bronze coins struck only yesterday or the day before. Thus it is like this: when we have those amongst our citizens, both those of whom we know to be the best: well-born, wise, just, good and honest, and those who have been trained in the exercises of the palaestra, in the choirs, in music, yet of these we speak of these in a denigrating manner, whilst we employ for all purposes these debased copper/bronze "coins": the foreigners, redheads, beggars who are descendants from beggars, recently arrived migrants, people whom the city of old would not have taken in so easily randomly, even as victims. Come, begin again today, at last; O ye fools, change your ways and help yourselves again.
The Chorus turn to face the stage.
The Agon [Lines 738-1499]Two Slaves compare their state of slavery (738-813) sometimes considered to be the second prologue.
Xanthias and a Slave belonging to Persephone and Plouton come out of the central door of the palace [the Skene].
Plouton's Slave: By Zeus, our saviour, your master is a decent man.
Xanthias: How could he fail to be a decent man; he only knows how to drink and fuck.
Plouton's Slave: I am surprised that he didn't beat you considering you were only a slave yet it was you who claimed to be the master.
Xanthias: If he had done that it is he who would have suffered.
Plouton's Slave: That certainly is the right attitude for slaves to have. What you have done that's how I would like to think I would have done so too.
Xanthias: That's how you would like to be? Really?
Plouton's Slave: To like? No. It seems to me that whenever I secretly curse my master I am in Heaven
Xanthias: And what about the grumbling after being beaten, do you go public about it?
Plouton's Slave: Then I'm having fun again.
Xanthias. - And when do you go snooping?
Plouton's Slave: By Zeus, I don't know of anything else more exciting.
Xanthias: By Zeus, protector of my race, when you listen in secret to what our masters have to say?
Plouton's Slave: Don’t talk about it; it makes me feel more than frantic.
Xanthias. And when are you going to talk about it openly?
Plouton's Slave: Me? No, never, by Zeus, when I do that, I ejaculate!
Xanthias: Phoebus Apollo, put your hand in mine, let me kiss you and you give me a kiss. Then explain to me, in the name of Zeus, our protector, what is this ruckus happening in there [in the palace] all about? These cries, and this altercation?
Plouton's Slave: It's a dispute between two dead souls - Aeschylus and Euripides.
Xanthias: Oh!
Plouton's Slave: It's an important affair; a great business is in progress; amongst the dead there is a great unrest.
Xanthias: What about?
Plouton's Slave: There is a law established down here concerning all those who once belonged to noble professions of the mind, according to which law he who prevails over his peers receives his board at the Prytaneion and a seat at the dining table next to Plouton himself.
Xanthias: I understand.
Plouton's Slave: This continues until another more skilled in his art arrives in Hades; then he must cede his place to the new arrival.
Xanthias: How has that troubled Aeschylus?
Plouton's Slave: It was he who occupied the throne of tragedy as the best in his art.
Xanthias: And who occupies it now?
Plouton's Slave: As soon as he had descended down here to Hades, Euripides put on a performance for the cheats, the cutpurses, the father-killers, and the brigands who break into people's homes, of which there are plenty down here in Hades; and they, after listening to his reasonings, his suppleness and his plot twists, thinking he was the smartest and judged him to be the most capable. Then, in exaltation, he seized the throne which Aeschylus had sat on.
Xanthias: And why didn't they stone him?
Plouton's Slave: No, by Zens; but the people did clamour for a retrial, for a proper judgement to decide who was the most skilful in his art.
Xanthias: What? this mob of rascals? [pointing at the audience]
Plouton's Slave: Yes, by Zeus, and what cries they sent up into the heavens.
Xanthias: Didn't Aeschylus also have his supporters?
Plouton's Slave: Few are the good people [pointing at the audience] like that here.
Xanthias: And Plouton, what does he intend to do about it?
Plouton's Slave: He immediately instituted a new competition, a new judgement and test for their talent.
Xanthias: And how come Sophocles hasn't claimed the throne too?
Plouton's Slave: By Zeus, he took good care of it, but as soon as he came down here he kissed Aeschylus and shook his hand, giving to him the right to the throne without dispute. And now he is ready, as according to Cleidemides to become "champion-in-reserve" if Aeschylus wins he'll stay content. If Euripides wins he will fight to the death against him.
Xanthias: Will it work?
Plouton's Slave: Oh yes, by Zeus. surely. I hear wonderful things will be done, The poetic art will be weighed in scales.
Xanthias: What? weigh tragedy, like as if it was butcher's meat?
Plouton's Slave: They'll bring levels, measuring rods for words, and oblong moulds.
Xanthias: What? Are they making bricks?
Plouton's Slave: And set-squares and compasses for Euripides. He'll measure every word of his adversary's plays.
Xanthias: I imagine Aeschylus is raging with wrath over all this.
Plouton's Slave: Well, he did lower his head like a bull in anger.
Xanthias: Who will be the judge of this?
Plouton's Slave: That's a difficult question. Skilled men were hard to find, for Aeschylus, somehow, was never ever really popular with the Athenians.
Xanthias: I suppose he thought that too many of them were low-life.
Plouton's Slave: And all the rest, he said, were trash and incapable of judging poetic wit. So then in the end they chose your master [Dionysos], as he is an expert in the art. But let us go in, for when our masters are determined on an urgent matter, that means beatings for us.
Plouton's Slave and Xanthias. Exit into the palace through the central door.
Chorus of Initiates (814-874)
An assortment of weighing scales and all kinds of measuring instruments are brought out of the palace by slaves. Two thrones are made ready, one for Plouton and the other for Dionysos. Plouton and Dionysos come out and take their places. In addition, two more seats are brought out of the palace, one for Aeschylus and one for Euripides. Aeschylus and Euripides emerge arguing through the central door on the stage. Aeschylus takes his place on Plouton's right-hand side. Euripides takes the other seat.
[In this scene, the two opponents, Aeschylus and Euripides and their differing poetic styles are introduced by the Chorus to the audience.]
[There follows a choral ode parodying of the metre and style of Aeschylus]
Chorus: We expect fearsome will be the fury that the thunderous voiced poet [Aeschylus] will feel when he sees of his tongue-twisting adversary [Euripides] beside him baring his fangs in readiness for the contest. Then shall his heart fall, and a terrible madness shall seize him, rolling his eyes, It will be a multi-coloured struggle of words which ride on a horse's mane, with subtleties sliding along a spear, shavings set in motion by a poet competing with the leaping words of a creative genius. This one whose shaggy mane bristles on his hairy neck, frowns with a formidable eyebrow, who is about to come roaring, tearing the words like nailed planks, with the breath of a giant. The other, a craftsman of words, expert tongue, well sharpened, untied, chomping at the bit of envy, will epilogue on dissected words, the work of a robust lung.
Euripides [to Dionysus]: I won't abandon the throne; stop advising me to do so; I claim to be the superior in this our art.
Dionysos:. Aeschylus, why are you so silent? You heard what he said.
Euripides:. He will first take on a solemn tone, as he usually does in his tragedies, where his charlatanism manifests itself.
Dionysos: He's an important man. Don't be so arrogant!
Euripides. I know him and sized him up for a long time now, this creator of brutish men, this poet of haughty language who has an unbridled mouth, without rule, without measure, and who is carried away, a braggart full of emphatic boasts.
Aeschylus: Truly, it is you, you son of a rustic deity, who speaks to me thus, yes you, you retailer of collections of nonsense, fabricator of beggars, weaver of rags. You will fall ill from saying these words.
Dionysos: Enough Aeschylus! Don't let your anger heat your bile.
Aeschylus: No, certainly not until I have exposed this cripple is all about, this show-off.
Dionysos: A ram, a black ram! Slaves, fetch it here! A storm is threatening to break out.
Aeschylus:.Cribber of Cretan monodies, bringer of incestuous marriages into our art!
Dionysos: Moderate your tongue, venerable Aeschylus; and you, to avoid the hail, miserable Euripides, run away quickly, in stealth if you are wise, lest, in his anger, he throws at your head some great word which will make "Telephos" spring right out of it! You, Aeschylus, appease your wrath, but when criticizing, criticize with moderation. It is not appropriate for poets to insult each other like bakers; and you [to Euripides], you explode immediately into flames just like oak.
Euripides: Me, I am quite ready, without flinching, to bite or to be bitten first, if it seems to him, on the verses, on the lyrical pieces, on the very nerve of tragedy. I attest to Zeus my Peleus, my Aolos, my Meleager, and even my Telephus!
Dionysos [to Aeschylus]: And you, what will you decide to do? Speak, Aeschylus.
Aeschylus: I would have liked not to have not entered into this contest here; because the game is not equal.
Dionysos: Why?
Aeschylus: Because my poetry didn't die with me, whilst his died with him, so will he have anything to talk about? However, since it is your desire, you must do so.
Dionysos: Let us see, now, that incense and fire are brought here to be able to pray to heaven, before their ingenious struggle, to make me judge this debate like a skilful connoisseur. And you [to the Chorus], sing an ode to the Muses.
Chorus of Initiates (875-894)
The Chorus invoke and invite the Nine Muses, daughters of Zeus, guardians of the intellectual arts of creative Mankind, to attend the battle of words that is about to commence. They invite them to watch the wrestling, to listen to the twists and turns in the contention, to observe the power of words in action in the speeches made by the two antagonistic poets as they try to find the right words. They invite the Nine Muses carefully to listen to the tiniest fragments of their arguments as these poets have the swiftest of mouths and that now their wits will be the sternest in this encounter that is about to commence in earnest.
Dionysos: You two, it's time for each of you to make a prayer [at the altar] before commencing with your speeches.
Aeschylus [at the altar sprinkling incense]: O Demeter, mistress and nourisher of my soul, make me worthy of thy mystic rites!
Dionysos [to Euripides]: Now your turn with the incense.
Euripides: No, excuse me! I make my vows to other gods than these.
Dionysos: What? You have your own private gods, like as if you have a new coinage?
Euripides: Precisely.
Dionysos: Well then, get on with it and pray to your own special gods.
Euripides [standing where he is and not sprinkling incense on the altar]: O Aether [minor goddess of the sky], that spirit which sustains my voluble tongue, bring me intelligent wit and a keen nose to be able to trounce his plays.
Agon Prelude (895-906)
Chorus: We yearn to learn from these wise men's war of words how they will dance. Let the war begin. Let their tongues grow fierce with anger mounted. Each has a venturous will and each an eager and nimble mind. Let their thoughts move fast. One will wield with artistic skill the clearest cut of phrases with refined wit. The other will fight strongly with words defiant like an angry giant uprooting trees and letting loose a storm of words
Dionysos: Let battle commence. But mind that your arguments display true wit and not figures of speech like metaphors, nor copy anything which any other fool could mouth.
Agon Round 1 (906-
Euripides: Listen my good people for you will hear from me about what I claim my own poetic worth to be. But first I will try to explain to you why I think my opponent is a pompous, poetic quack and how he has beguiled fools; how the latter's tastes had been educated in Phrynicos' school of tragedy before he came on the scene. How he would bring on some single mourner seated and veiled, an Achilles or Niobe perhaps, whose face you could not see. What an empty show of tragic woe! Then the Chorus would appear rattling off four continuous lyrical odes. In the meantime and during which the seated mourner stirred not once!
Dionysos: I liked that too. I prefer those silent mute characters to all the chatterboxes we have nowadays in the theatre.
Euripides: Because, if you would like to know, you were an ass!
Dionysos: An ass maybe, but why did he do it?
Euripides: That was his deceit, can't you see it? He kept his audience guessing when Niobe would speak, but, meanwhile, the drama progressed.
Dionysos: I now see how the rascal deceived me. That was shameful of him! Wasn't it? [to Aeschylus] Why are you getting so worked up?
Euripides: So after the passage of all this time during which he has humbugged us all, now that he was already halfway through his wretched drama, he would then throw at us a dozen words or so, each as heavy as an ox, fierce monsters of words with bristling crests, words none of which anybody understood, least of all the audience.
Aeschylus: Oh heavens above!
Dionysos [to Aeschylus]: Silence!
Euripides: Not one single word was clear what it meant.
Dionysos [to Aeschylus]: Stop grinding your teeth!
Euripides: It was all talk about Scamandrian streams, camps with moats, burnished griffin-beaked eagles beaten into bronze, words which ride along high crags and precipices, all hard to interpret what they actually meant.
Dionysos: I see what you mean. By the gods I have spent many a sleepless night in anxiety trying to figure out what type of bird a yellow cock-horse was. [A phrase used by Aeschylus in his play the Myrmidons to describe the figure-head of a ship.]
Aeschylus: It was a figure carved onto a ship, you idiot.
Dionysos: And there I was supposing it was Eryxis, Philoxenos' son.
Euripides: Now really should a cock-horse [hippaelectryon] be brought into a tragic drama?
Aeschylus: Now then what was your practice?
Euripides: No cock-horses [ἱππαλεκτρυών, hippaelectryon] in my plays. There are no goat-stags [τραγέλαφος, hircocervus, capricerva, capricerf, Geißhirsch: long-horned goats? long-horned deer?], by Zeus, such figures appear on tapestries from Medes. After taking up the art of tragedy after you, which you had left behind bloated and swollen with obese words, I put her on a diet and rid her of her excess weight. I slimmed her down with short phrases; I gave her exercise and lots of white beets. I gave her the babbling juice squeezed from my huge library of books. I fed her on monody into which I mixed sharp Cephisophon [a well-known actor] for flavour. I never used words at random or plunged abruptly into my drama. Rather, I always opened my plays with a prologue in which I explained the origin of my plot and its source. Then I launched straight into the drama with the mistress speaking with all her might, then perhaps a slave and his master, or a young handmaiden or an old one all fully speaking with theirs.
Aeschylus: You surely deserved to die for that!
Euripides: Not at all. I was trying to create a
democratic work of art
.Dionysos: I advise you not to use that line of reasoning. It won't necessarily go well for you.
Euripides: Moreover, I taught these people [the audience] to speak.
Aeschylus: I agree, but before telling them, that didn't you crack in the middle!
Euripides: And then with the implementation of subtle rules, using the nooks and crannies of words, thinking, seeing, understanding, cunning, to love, to intrigue, to suspect evil, to think of everything.
Aeschylus: I certainly say you did that.
Euripides: Introducing the intimate day-to-day life of the people on the stage, our daily habits, in such a way as to provoke debate: because everyone who knew about it was able to criticize my process. But I did not make a noise capable of disturbing reason, I did not strike out with plots of astonishment with a Cycnos and the Memnons riding on horseback whilst their harnesses rang with bells. You now know what the differences between his disciples and mine are. To him Phormisios, Megaenetos of Magnesia, bristling with trumpets, spears and beards, how their sarcasm bends the pines; and to me Clitophon and the graceful Theramenes.
Euripides: Introducing the intimate day-to-day life of the people on the stage, our daily habits, in such a way so as to provoke debate, because everyone who knew about it was able to criticize my process. But I did not make a noise capable of disturbing reason, I did not strike out with plots of astonishment with a Cycnos and the Memnons riding on horseback whilst their harnesses rang with bells. You now know what the differences between his disciples and mine are. To him Phormisios, Megaenetos of Magnesia, bristling with trumpets, spears and beards, whose sarcasm bends the pines; and to me Clitophon and the graceful Theramenes.
Dionysos: Theramenes, this skilful man ready for anything, who, falling into some wicked affair, and seeing the imminence of danger, gets out of trouble, out of this dicey situation by saying that he is not from Chios, but from Ceos.
Euripides: This is how I managed to form for them the judgement, by introducing into my art reasoning and reflection; so that now they understand and penetrate everything, govern their house better than before, saying to themselves: Where is this case? What happened to this? Who took this?
Dionysos: Yes ! by the gods! Today all Athenians returning home cry out to their servants, inquiring: "Where is the cooking pot? Who ate the head of the anchovy? The dish I have bought last year no longer exists. Where is yesterday's garlic? Who ate the olives? Before, they were fools, gaping mouths, planted there, like Mammacythes and Melitids.
The Chorus: “Gaze upon this, glorious Achilles!" And you [Aeshylus], let's see, how you are to respond? Only don't let the passion take you beyond the chariot tracks: for his attack was swift. But, my brave, do not be driven by anger; hoist your sails and only use their tips; then advance slowly taking care not to catch the wind until you feel it is calm and regular.
DIONYSUS: So you, who was the first of the Hellenes, crenellated the heights of language, raised the games of tragedy, fearlessly unleashed the torrent.
AESCHYLUS: I am irritated by this meeting; my insides are indignant at having to contradict this man; but that he does not pretend to have embarrassed me. Answer me, what makes a poet worthy of admiration?
EURIPIDE: The skill and accuracy with which we render the better men in the cities.
AESCHYLUS: If then you did not do it, but if good and generous you have made them quite perverse, why, tell me, are you eligible?
DIONYSUS: Of death: do not ask.
AESCHYLUS: See then what men he first received from my hands: generous, four cubits high, never shirking not to public offices, nor strollers, nor buffoons, as today, not always ready for evil, but breathing spears and javelins, helmets with white crests, armets, boots,
shields with seven oxhides.
EURIPIDES: That's going badly: he'll knock me out with his helmets. But how do you teach them bravery?
DIONYSUS: Answer, Aeschylus, and do not give rise to your fierce boasting.
AESCHYLUS: By making a drama full of Ares.
DIONYSUS: Which one?
AESCHYLUS: The Seven against Thebes. All the spectators wanted to be men of war.
DIONYSUS: In this you have done wrong: you have made the Thebans more ardent in battle. So you deserve to be hit.
AESCHYLUS: It was up to you to practice, but you don't you are not turned this way. Since then, by representing the Persians, I taught you to always desire to conquer the
enemies; and produced an admirable masterpiece.
DIONYSUS: I experienced great joy when I learned the
death of Darius, when the choir, clapping their hands, exclaimed "Iau! Iau!"
AESCHYLUS: These are the subjects on which poets must exercise themselves.
Notice, indeed, from the beginning, how much the poets of genius
were helpful. Orpheus taught the mysteries and horror of
murder; Museum, the remedies of diseases and the oracles;
Hesiod, agriculture, the season of fruit, plowing; and the divine
Homer, from whence came so much honor and glory, if not
to have taught, better than anyone, tactics, the virtues and
warrior armor?
DIONYSUS: Yet he hasn't taught this great simpleton anything.
Trousers: indeed, very recently, being part of a pump,
he had fastened his helmet to his head, forgetting to fit the crest to it.
AESCHYLUS: But he trained many other heroes,
among whom is the valiant Lamaque. My muse, everything
imbued with him, celebrated the heroic virtues of the Patroclus,
Teucros with a lion's heart, in order to train each citizen to
equal to them, as soon as he hears the trumpet. But, by Zeus!
I did not stage immodest Phaedrus, nor
Sthenebées, and I do not know of having ever created the character
of a woman in love.
EURIPIDES: No, by Zeus! for Aphrodite was nothing to you.
AESCHYLUS: And may it always be so! But let her reign
forever attached to you and yours! 'Cause she ended up losing you
yourself.
DIONYSUS: By Zeus! That's exactly right. The crimes that
you imputed to other people's wives, you were yourself
hit.
EURIPIDES: Hey! unhappy! What wrong do my Sthenebees
they to the state?
Chorus of Initiates (992-1003)
The Chorus [pointing at Aeschylus]: Gaze upon this brilliant Achilles [of the theatre] here. And you [Aeschylus], let's see, how are you going to answer [Euripides]? Only do take care that you are not carried away by your heart, lest it takes you out way beyond the arena [beyond the line of olive trees]. He [pointing at Euripides] has charged you terribly. But be careful, O noble spirit, do not act in a stormy and tempestuous manner. Instead roll up your sails and only use tacking, then proceed little by little, watching and waiting for the moment when you receive a gentle and sustained wind. Come now, you the first bard of the Hellenes to build lofty towers of words, to adorn tragic speech! come now, let your fountain burst forth.
Agon Part II (1004-1098) Aeschylus makes his case.
Aeschylus: I am appalled that I have been forced to come to this contest and my guts are indignant about having to answer to this man. But so that he does not say that I remain short, Euripides answer me this: what is necessary for one to be able to admire a poet.
Εuripides: For his wit and his admonitions, because we improve the men of the cities [políseis].
Aeschylus: If, then, you have not done this, but honest and generous if you have made them completely perverse, what pain, say it, will you have deserved?"
Dionysus: The death. You don't have to ask him.
Chorus of Initiates (1099-1118)
The Chorus: Great is the matter, grave is the debate born of the struggle that is about to happen. It will be difficult to decide between when one pushes hard and the other turns around and hits back hard, standing his ground. The paths that are open are numerous and varied to both of your skills. On what then will be the points you will have to argue: talk, attack, strip open the works both old and new. Each of you ventures to say something subtle and scholarly. If you are afraid that due to lack of education whether the audience will be able to grasp the subtleties of your speeches, do not be afraid for that is no longer the case, They have all fought in the war, and everyone has his own book from which he has learnt ingenious things. Their minds are now of a superior nature, and today they have become even more refined. So be without fear, treat with all subjects for if it is only a question of the audience, they are all well enlightened.
Agon III 1119-1250
In which Euripides and Aeschylus attempt to ridicule each others' Prologues.
Euripides: These prologues of yours [Aeschylus] we will test them. How Aeschylus expresses himself in such an obscure manner when he's enunciating the facts of his plot.
Dionysos: Which one will you test?
Euripides: Many, but let him give us him famous one from the Oresteia.
Aeschylus: [The opening lines from an earlier version of the Choephori which are not in the Medici MS of the play.]
"Earth-born Hermes observing the power of a father
Be thou my saviour and mine aid today
For hither I came and later I shall return."
[Literally Hermes who conducts the shades to the Underworld means "Hermes take upon yourself the powers of Zeus, your father, and become my saviour, and return me today."
What's wrong with that?
Euripides: There are at least a dozen faults.
Dionysos: But it only has three lines.
Euripides: But each one has 20 faults.
Dionysos: Aeschylus, keep silent; you won't get away with just three lines.
Aeschylus: Keep silent for him?
Dionysos: That is my advice.
Euripides: Straightaway he has made an error, one which cries up to the heavens.
Aeschylus [to Dionysos]: You see your mistake. [To Euripides] See what? What nonsense you utter, but it really doesn't bother me. What do mean "Error"?
Euripides: Repeat your lines again from the start.
Aeschylus: "Earth-born Hermes observing the power ..."
Euripides: And these lines are delivered by Orestes beside his murdered father's tomb?
Aeschylus: I did not say otherwise.
Euripides: Do you mean to say that when Orestes' father was killed by the craft and wile of a woman that this murder was witnessed by the god of craft [Hermes the Trickster]?
Aeschylus: Not him, but Orestes was calling upon Hermes the Helper [the Conductor] at his father's graveside. This was demonstrated because he was calling on that Hermes who has jurisdiction over the Underworld by his father's dispensation.
Euripides: Then you have made a bigger blunder than I thought.
Dionysos: Because this jurisdiction suggests that a tomb robbery is about to take place condoned by Zeus?
Aeschylus: Dionysos, you're drinking your sour wine again.
Dionysos: Aeschylus, recite some more lines. Euripides, liston out for more errors.
Aeschylus:
" [to Hermes] I beg you now to be my saviour and aide"
For I have returned to this land and am back again."
Euripides: So the wise Aeschylus has said the same thing twice.
Aeschylus: How?
Euripides: Listen. You said "I have returned to this land" followed by "And I am back again". "To come back" and "To return" mean the same thing. Clever-clogs Aeschylus has repeated himself.
Dionysos [to Aeschylus]: Yes, it is true. It is like as if you had said "lend me a kneading trough" followed by "a bowl for kneading in will do".
Aeschylus: These things are not the same thing. And you're missing the point. What I wrote couldn't be better.
Dionysos: Then explain yourself.
Aeschylus: A man, who has not been banished from his homeland, may "come" to any land by no special chance. An exile coming back to his homeland both "returns" and "comes"
Dionysos: That was good! Euripides, what do you say to that?
Euripides: I say that no one recalled Orestes back to his homeland. He came in secret. He did not "return".
Dionysos: By Hermes, that too was good!
Euripides: Recite another line.
Aeschylus:
"Now up on this funeral mound I call upon my father.
To hear and to hearken."
Euripides: There, he's done it again. "To hear" and "To hearken" are the same thing.
Dionysos: Yes, but he is talking to the dead who can't hear us even when we talk to them thrice.
So how do your prologues begin?
Euripides: You shall hear. And if you find one single thing I have repeated. Or I have added any useless padding, spit upon me.
Diohysos: Well I am all impatient to listen to your faultless prologues.
Euripides: "A happy man was Oedipus at first." [Euripides: Oedipus]
Aeschylus: Not so, by Zeus, he was a most unhappy man, who, not even yet born nor yet conceived, Apollo
prophesied he would be his father's murderer. How could he possibly be a happy man "at first"?
Euripides: "Then he became the wretchedest of men."
Aeschylus: Not so, by Zeus; he never ceased to be unhappy. No sooner born, than they exposed the baby, Oedipus, (and during winter too), in an earthenware crock lest he should grow up to be a man, and slay his father. then they pierced his ankles and with swollen feet he limped away to Polybus: whilst still young, he married, an ancient crone, and she his mother too, and then scratched out both his eyes.
Dionysos: Happy indeed if he had been Erasinides' colleague!
[Erasinides was one of the eight generals put to death by the Athenians after the battle of Argusinae.]
Euripides: Rubbish. I say my prologues are first class.
Aeschylus: No way. By Zeus, I will pick away at all your phrasing and smash your prologues with a bottle of oil.
Euripides: With a bottle of oil?
Aeschylus: Yes, with just one. You frame all of your prologues so that each and every one fits in with a
"bottle of oil" or "a tiny blanket" or "a little bag." I'll prove it here and now.
Euripides: Prove it, will you?
Aeschylus: I will!
Dionysos: Well then begin!
Euripides:
"Aegyptus, sailing with his fifty sons.
As ancient legends mostly tell the tale,
Touched down at Argos."
Aeschylus: And lost his bottle of oil.
Euripides: What? Damn that bottle of oil!
Dionysos: Try another.
Euripides:
"Bacchus, clad in fawnskins, leaps and bounds
With torch and thyrsus in the choral dance
Along the Parnassus."
Aeschylus: And lost his bottle of oil.
Dionysos: Oh dear! we are struck down by that bottle again!
Euripides: No matter, I have another prologue he'll never be able tack his bottle of oil to:
"No man is blest in every single thing.
One is of noble birth, but lacking means.
Another, baseborn,"
Aeschylus: Lost his bottle of oil.
Dionysos: Euripides, lower your sails. This bottle of oil is going to blow a gale.
Euripides: By Demeter, I don't give a damn! I am going to knock that bottle of oil right out of his hands.
Dionysos: Go for it then!
Euripides:
"Once Cadmus, quitting the Sidonian town,
Agenor's offspring"
Aeschylus: Lost his bottle of oil.
Dionysos: O my man, buy that bottle of oil from him, or else he'll smash all your prologues to pieces.
Euripides: Buy it from him?
Dionysos: If you'll accept my advice.
Euripides: No, I have many other prologues to try which he won't be able tack on his bottle of oil to.
"Pelops, the son of Tantalus, while driving
His mares to Pisa"
Aeschylus: Lost his bottle of oil.
Dionysos: There now, that bottle of oil again. For heaven's sake pay his price for it! You'll get it for an obol.
Euripides: Not yet, by Zeus, I have still many prologues left.
"Oeneus once reaping"
Aeschylus: Lost his bottle of oil.
Euripides: I beg you let me finish one entire line first.
"Oeneus once reaping an abundant harvest,
Offering the first fruits in sacrifice"
Aeschylus: Lost his bottle of oil.
Dionysos: Who in this act of "offering a sacrifice" stole it from him this time?
Euripides: Stop pestering me. Let him try with this !
"Zeus, as by Truth's own voice the tale is told,"
Dionysos: He'll cut it down with "Lost his bottle of oil" again. Those bottles of oil on all your prologues seem to gather and grow, like styes upon the eye. Turn to his melodies now for goodness sake.
Euripides: Indeed I can demonstrate that he is a poor melody-maker.
Chorus of Initiates (1251-1260)
Chorus:
We just don't know how all this trouble will unravel.
We simply just don't know what will happen
What kind of blame he will bring
Against this man who we think has
Composed more marvelous tragic lyrics and odes
Than anyone else has ever done before or since.
So against our master of tragedy how can he fault him
For him we do fear.
Agon Part IV (1261-1369)
Euripides: Marvelous odes you say. Soon you will see how I will cut all his metrical branches down to a single stem.
Dionysos: And I will gather some pebbles to keep count of this.
[An aulos is heard playing in the background. Euripides now tries to mock Aeschylus' choral lyrics as monotonous. Here he possibly quotes from Aeschylus' Myrmidons.]
Euripides: Achilles, Lord of Pthhia,
why hearing the voice of the hero-dividing
Hah! smiting! approachest thou not to the rescue ?
We, by the lake who abide, are adoring our ancestor Hermes.
Hah! smiting! approachest thou not to the rescue?
Dionysos: O Aeschylus, twice thou hast been smitten!
Euripides: Hearken to me, great king; yea, hearken
Atreides, thou noblest of all the Achaeans.
Hah! smiting! approachest thou not to the rescue?
Dionysos: Now O Aeschylus, those hast been thrice smitten!
Euripides: Hush! a holy hush! The priestess bee-wardens are coming quickly to open the temple of Artemis.
Hah! smiting! approachest thou not to the rescue?
I will expound (for I know it) the omen the chieftains
encountered.
Hah! smiting! approachest thou not to the rescue?
Dionysos: O mighty Zeus and King, what a terrible number of smitings! I am off to the bath. I am sure my kidneys are quite inflamed and swollen after all these smitings.
Euripides: Wait till you've heard yet more of his odes culled from his lyre-accompanied melodies.
Dionysos: Go on then, but no more smitings please.
Euripides: How the twin-throned powers of Achaea, the lords of
the mighty Hellenes.
O phlattothrattophlattothrat! [in mocking imitation of the strumming of a Cithara]
Sendeth the Sphinx, the unchancy, the chieftainess
bloodhound.
O phlattothrattophlattothrat!
So for the swift-winged hounds of the air he provided
a booty.
O phlattothrattophlattothrat!
The throng down-bearing on Aias [Ajax].
O phlattothrattophlattothrat!
Dionysos: Whence came that phlattothrat? From Marathon? Where did you pick up these rope twister's shanties from?
Aeschylus: From the noblest source for the noblest ends [Homer] I brought them. Unwilling in the Muses' holy field the self-same flowers as Phrynichus to cull. But he from all things rotten draws his lays, from Carian flutings, catches of Meletus, dance music, dirges. You shall hear directly. Bring me the lyre [cithara]. Yet wherefore need a lyre [cithara] for songs like these? Where's she that bangs and jangles her castanets? Such is Euripides's Muse, Present yourself: fit goddess for fit verse.
Dionysos. The Muse herself never performed in Lesbian mode? No way!
Aeschylus:
Halcyons, who by the inexhaustible
Waves of the sea are babbling in it,
Dewing your plumes with damp drops that fall
From wings in the salt spray dabbling.
Spiders, with ever twir-r-r-r-r-rling fingers
Weaving the warp and the woof,
Little, brittle, network, fretwork,
Under corners of the roof.
The minstrel shuttle's care.
Where in the front of the dark-prowed ships
Easily the aulos-loving dolphin skips.
Races here and oracles there.
And the joy of the young vines in flower,
And the bunch of grapes, an end to sorrow.
O hug me, my child, hug me.
[to Dionysos] Do you see that foot?
Dionysos. - I see it!
Aeschylus: And this one? Do you see it?
Dionysos. - I do!
[to Euripides] And yet, you compose in this manner. You dare to blame my lyrics when it is in the manner of Cyrene [the courtesan] with her twelve positions that you do yours? There you have them your lyrical chants. But I still want to comment on the way you deal with your monodies.
O sombre darkness of the night, what a fatal dream you send me from the invisible world of Hades: an inanimate soul, the son of the dark night, a terrible ghost, a vision that makes you shiver, in a black shroud, with a murderous, murderous gaze in its eyes, with long claws.
My maidens, light the lanterns
and dip your jugs in the stream.
Draw me the dew of the water,
And heat it. Bring it to boiling and steam,
Thus will I wash away the ill effects of my dream.
God of the seas, that's right. Lodgers in this house contemplate these marvels. Glyce vanished with my cock, the cock that crowed. Nymphs born in the mountains bring the mania to a halt.
Pursue, pursue.
And I, the unfortunate girl, have found myself completely occupied in my work, twisting in my hands a spindle loaded with fleece, making a ball of wool, thinking to go and sell it in the market at daybreak. But he flew away, flew through the air on the light tips of his wings, leaving me with sorrows, sorrows; and tears, tears from my eyes flowed, flowed. O unfortunate me!
O children of Ida, sons of Crete,
Grasping your bows to the rescue come;
Twinkle about on your restless feet,
Stand in a circle around her home.
O Artemis, thou maid divine,
Dictynna, huntress, fair to see,
O bring that keen-nosed pack of thine,
And hunt through all the house with me.
O Hecate, with flameful brands,
O Zeus's daughter, arm thine hands,
Those swiftliest hands, both right and left ;
Thy rays on Glyce's cottage throw
That I serenely there may go,
And search by moonlight for the theft.
Dionysos: Enough of both your lyrical chants.
Aeschylus: Me too, I've had enough. I want to bring him to the scales. She, and she alone, will make the worth of our poetry known to both of you [Plouthon and Dionysos] by revealing the exact weight of our expressions.
Dionysos: Come forward then, since I must now weigh the genius of these poets, just like in the cheese market.
[A large weighing scale is brought on stage. Aeschylus and Euripides stand on either side of it.]
Chorus: They labour hard these clever ones, but there is another wonder, full of a strange new wildness. Who else would have had would have thought of that? No one really, if anyone had told us that, we wouldn't have believed him, but we would have thought he was trying to cheat us. We would have thought his story was false.
Agon Part V (1377-1481)
Dionysos (to Aeschylus and Euripides): Come now each of you and stand next to your pan of the scales.
Aeschylus and Euripides (both approach the weighing scales): There you are.
Dionysos: And that while each of you holds his own pan, recite your verse; and do not let go of it till I have cried out "Cuckoo!"!
Aeschylus and Euripides: We have hold of them.
Dionysos: Now each of you recite his lines into his pan.
Euripides: "Ah! had not the ship Argo winged its way ..."
Aeschylus: "O river Sperchios and pastures of oxen! ..."
Dionysos: Cuckoo!
Euripides: It's dropped.
Dionysos: There, much lower, descends the verse of the latter.
Euripides: And why did that happen?
Dionysos: Because he put a river in there, and just like a wool merchant would do when they sell their wool to make it heavier, he wet his verse. Whilst the verse you put in was a "winged" verse.
Euripides: Well then, let him recite another averse gainst mine.
Dionysos: Then stand by your pans again.
Aeschylus and Euripides: There we're now ready!
Dionysus: Recite your lines!
Euripides: "Persuasion has no temple other than the Word. ..."
Aeschylus: "Of all the gods only Thanatos does not like gifts."
Dionysos: Let go of your pans!
Aeschylus and Euripides: It's dropped again.
Dionysus: Again Aeschylus' pan went down. That's because he put Thanatos [god of Death] into his pan, the heaviest of all evils.
Euripides: And I used the word Persuasion; my verse was excellent.
Dionysus. But Persuasion is a trivial thing and "has no common sense!". Come on, look for another line one among the heavyweights, which will pull the balance down on your side. Choose a strong and imposing one.
Euripides: Come on, where can I find this kind of line?
Dionysus: I will tell you. With a throw of three dice Achilles rolled two aces and a four. Now recite your line, for this is your last try.
Euripides: He raised up with his right hand a wooden club as heavy as iron.
Aeschylus: Chariot upon chariot piled up, corpse upon corpse.
Dionysus (to Euripides): He beat you again this time.
Euripides: In what way?
Dionysos:— He put two chariots into his pan and two corpses, a weight that not even a hundred Egyptians could possibly lift.
Aeschylus: Hey! let him no longer fight against me line by line, but let him sit in the balance, he, his children, his wife, Cephisophon, and all his books. I will recite only two verses of mine.
The weighing scales are removed. Enter Pluto.
Dionysus: They are both my friends and I will not judge them. Because I don't want to quarrel with either of them: I consider one to be clever, and the other I like.
Plouton: So you won't do anything that you came for?
Dionysus: And if I pronounce who has won?
Plouton: Then you will take with you whichever of the two you will have judged to be the winner, so will not have come for nothing.
Dionysus: Thank you very much. (To Aeschylus and Euripides). Let me tell you: I came down here to find a poet.
Plouton: With what intention?
Dionysus: So that the City [Athens], could be saved from peril and may hold its festivals. Therefore, whichever of you two will give salutary advice to the City is the one I will decide to take. And first of all on the subject of Alcibiades, How do you feel about one and the other, because the city is struggling
over him?
Euripides: And what opinion does the City have of him?
Dionysus: What? She both loves him and hates him, and wants to possess him. But what you both think of him, Speak up.
Euripides: I hate a citizen who, when it comes to serving his country, is slow, but is quick to do great harm to it, showing himself to be prompt and creative for himself, but when it comes to the City he is found to be lacking.
Dionysus: A fine answer, by Poseidon. (To Aeschylus) And you, what do you think of him?
Aeschylus: Especially one ought not to rear a lion cub in a city; otherwise, once it has grown up, one has to tend to its needs.
Dionysos: By Zeus, the saviour, I am now very embarrassed. One has answered wisely and the other clearly. But answer one more question: tell me each of you your opinion on the City; how do you plan to save her?
Euripides: If, instead of wings, we attached Cinesias to Cleocritus, and the winds carried them over the sea...
Dionysos: That would be fun to see, But what does it mean?
Euripides: I know a way and want to explain myself. If they fought a naval battle and then, armed themselves with cruets filled with vinegar cruets and they them threw them into the eyes of the enemy.
Dionysos: Speak.
Euripides: Where there is Mistrust, put Trust therein to dwell. And where there is Trust, put Mistrust therein; and all is well.
Dionysos: I don t quite follow. Please repeat that again, and this time not quite so cleverly but rather in plainer language.
Euripides: If those of the citizens who now have our Trust became suspect to us, and if those of whom we do not use, then use them, we could be saved. Since we are not succeeding by using current methods, would not then, by doing the opposite, would we not be saved?
Dionysos: Very well put, O Palamedes, so ingenious a nature! Did you discover that, or did Cephisophon?
Euripides: Only me, but the cruets of vinegar are Cephisophon's idea.
Dionysus: (To Aeschylus.) And you? What do you say?
Aeschylus: Tell me first about those whom the City now employs. Are they honest people?
Dionysos: By the Heavens she loathes them!
Aeschylus: And takes pleasure in the vile?
Dionysos: Not she, but has perforce to let them serve her!
Aeschylus: What hope of comfort is there for a city that quarrels with those who wear silk and hates her coarse clothed people!
Dionysos: That s exactly what you must answer, if you want to rise up again to the Upperworld!
Aeschylus: I’ll answer there, not here.
Dionysos: No; better to send up blessings from below.
Aeschylus: Her safety is to count her enemy’s land as her own, Yes, and her own as her enemy’s; her ships as her treasures; and her treasure dross!
Dionysus: Good, though it all goes down the juror’s throat!
Plouton: (interrupting): Come now, deliver your judgement!
Dionysus: Well, I'll judge like this; My choice shall fall on him whom my soul desires!
Euripides: Remember, by all the gods you swore to take me home with you. So choose your friend!
Dionysos: My tongue may have sworn; but I’ll still choose Aeschylus!
Euripides: What have you done? you traitor!
Dionysos: I’ve made a decision, that Aeschylus gets the prize. Why shouldn’t I?
Euripides: Look into my eyes. They are fresh from your deed of shame ?
Dionysos: What is shame, if the . . . Theatre feels no shame?
Euripides: You have a hard heart! Do you mean to say that you are going to leave your old friend behind here, dead?
Dionysos: Who knows whether to live is but to die? If breath is broth and sleep nothing but a woolly lie?
Plouton: Come in, then. both of you!
Dionysos: Again?
Pluto: Yes! before you set sail. Come in to feast with me
Dionysos: With pleasure! That's the way to crown a well-contented day.
Chorus of Initiates (1482-1499)
Chorus: Blest is he who has a keen and intelligent mind. Many things teach us this. This famous bard, for example, has shown himself to have just such a mind. He will return to his home city, bringing good to his fellow citizens, and joy to his parents and his friends, because he has a keen and intelligent mind. It is therefore right and fitting not to sit in the vicinity of Socrates pursuing idle talk, rejecting the arts, and scorning the most important parts of the art of tragedy. He who wastes time on pompous and frivolous petty talk is a fool.
Exodos [Lines 1500-1533]
Exodos of main characters (1500-1527)
Plouthon: Farewell Aeschylus, go and save our city with your good advice, and educate the many fools that are there. Go and take this (he gives Aeschylus a sword) to give to Cleophon, and this (gives him a noose) to those who raise taxes, and also to both Myrmex and to Nicomachos, and gives this (a cup of hemlock) to Archenomos; and tell them to come here quickly, to my house, and without delay. If they do not arrive quickly, I am going, by Apollo, to mark them with a hot iron and, feet and fists bound, with Adimante', son of Leucolophas, send them soon underground.
Aeschylus: So shall I do. Please give my throne to Sophocles; let him keep it for me, if I ever come back here. Because it is hisfor I judge to be second to mw. But remember to prevent this schemer, this impostor, this buffoon [Euripides] from ever sitting, even reluctantly, in my place.
Plouthon(to the chorus): Now you, light his way with your sacred torches, and accompany him by singing his odes and dancing to his melodies in his honour.
[A procession is organized to accompany Aeschylus to the Upperworld]
Exodos of Chorus of Initiates (1528-1533)
The Corypheus: O gods of the Underworld, wish bon voyage to the poet who leaves us, and rises up towards the light. Advise and inspire the City [of Athens] to higher minded thoughts, the source of great good. For it is by these means we shall be completely delivered from the great sorrows and painful gatherings of arms. As for Cleophon, let him go and fight in the fields of his own ancestral lands, he and anyone else who loves these kind of things.
Exeunt.
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Phrynichus (oligarch) - TheReaderWiki
